!!! This is it !!!!

Who we are ? Yes i am talking about "WE" as human specie. what are we doing in this world ? Everyday i read about new technology, innovations, human reaching moon or touching depth of marine trench and side by side also read about murders, honor killings, rapes, animal extinctions, global warming, mass destruction and we say " We are developing, creating" Really ? Are we ?

These days i found a very interesting bunch of friends who highlight stupidity which we as human often do. So from there i started to realize that in some or other way i am also a part of that stupidity wherein i on the one hand speak about liberalization on the other hand i disagree with the point "one night stand". So i asked myself "why is this happening ?" what is the source of my thinking, belief or faith? And i zeroed it to my culture, religion, country and life style.

So my point is who are those who set bars that this is right or this is wrong , this thing we should follow and that don't? Why we shouldn't be the one who take charge of there life ? Why we always are just Followers ?

The day we start questioning our self will be the day we actually "innovate or develop our self". Few months back there was a campaign which was started by WWF to save Tigers. The slogans were everywhere " Save Tigers" and when i saw them i couldn't resist myself from laughing. Because we are so fool that we can see that tigers are endangered but we cant see that how much humanity is in danger. Didn't agree ? OK tell me how many of us will come forward to save a life of a man who's body is lying in roadside by skipping our office or friend's party or a date with your girlfriend ? Just think and you will come to know how much in endangered we are.

I think that this is the time we should stop our self for a minute and think what are we doing ? What is the purpose of our life ? What is the point behind being the most advanced specy of earth when we can not take care of our self, of other living species on this planet ? This is it if we didn't do anything now than we can not save our self from being extinct. we definitely will be living but like zombies whos only agenda is to survive no matter how.

All we have to do is just take a step forward and yes than it will actually be a small step for a human but it will be a giant leap for mankind

!!!!!!So its me back again !!!!!

After three months of exile from my (Not So Personal Diary).

Few of my friends raised questions for my blog and the feelings which I am expressing in form of words in it and my motive behind it. And my answer was what if I am sharing my very personal feelings with one whom I never saw or will never meet in my life. This blogs remove my hesitation to show my actual feelings. I know its not going to affect anybody’s life but yes it effects mine.

So leaving this topic or aka regular topics here only. I start writing for what I am here.

Even after completely changed my whole life routine I am still finding difficulty in coming out of my paranoid creating by myself only (coz I don’t want to blame anybody). I have completed my book and like other books it also end up with showing the same way of spiritual path which I think is not appropriate for a person of age group of 22 yrs.

In last two months I have stopped listening voice of my heart which was taking me to some other path , a path which is totally unknown to me and also don’t know where will it take.

But since September i was dragged to my those old feelings back. My materialistic part don’t want to go but I think that this time its my real heart which overpowered my other part and I am back.

I am like a person who is just trapped in a war between my responsibilities and my own problems. I don’t know which way to go.

Previously I thought that it is due to my hectic work pressure which is overpowering my life and so I took a 7 day off from my routine my life and gave time to myself but it didn’t work . Now I am sure that it is not just a result of some work pressure but it is something else. I don’t know what it is going but yeah it is something which if not cured on time is going to take me away from me.

I know it was really a very confusing posting from my side but what can I do I myself has become more complicated than a riddle.

M I Lost ?? Or M I Now on Right Track

When i was in my school time i oftenly like to sit on my school's playground boundry whereby i used to see the the enticing view of mother nature.Tall mountains full of trees seems like they are hiding something beneath them and the river full of white and pure water flowing in the foot of mountain washing all the dirts of mountain and snowcapped mountains behind those mountains making a picture of envelop ....If you see the whole view in one way it looks like nature has sent me a white envelop with green greeting card packed inside.

I like to see this beautiful scene each and everyday and i never get bored of that infact everyday i use to see it from different view and with different meaning and while watching this enchanting beauty i used to asked myself a Question "WHAT DOES THIS LIFE MEANS ?" "WHY I AM IN THIS WORLD?" "AM I HERE TO JUST ENGULF MYSELF IN THIS MATERIALISTIC WORLD LIKE MOST OF THIS PEOPLE DO ?" Am i here to just grow up in a cement building which we say School where we learn the first lesson of life and then lost my self in the crowd of people who are just running for something but they even dont know why they are running . I asked few of them and the answers were different but the meaning were same...Some says that they are running because they want to live a rich and prosperous life ...Some says that they want to live a satisfied life.

And when they asked me the same question , I have no answer for that , I was silent and frozen like a river or a place where no one comes but i know that beneath that river or place there was a fight going , a volcano preparing to burst..

I am a Piscean and like the piscean symbol my heart and my goals are against each other.

My one part like to go in parties,chat with friends and like to live in this materialistic world but my another part like to go places where no one comes like to know the answers of many questions, hates materialistic world,like to remain simple.

My these thoughts are those grown trees , the seeds of which were planted when i was young but at that time i always neglected my these feelings because i felt that these are nothing more than just an outcome of some fantasy movies or fiction books i read that time.

And my materialistic heart took control of my mind and i like other people start running for that" SOMETHING".I had an affair , I am in a reputed position in a company and my family is happy with me.But then suddenly i got a book which seems like i had found something old but a mystical thing and i start reading it and as more as my index fingure start turning the pages something deep inside of me start comingout and this was the time my other part starts to awake And i started to feel the main character of the book (Julian) as myself. Right now i am on 30th page of the book but my inner heart starts to push me towards something, Something wher e my materialistic heart dont wanna go .

While reading that book i noticed a very minor but noticable changes in me. My vision and my way towards life is now changing. It seems like i have a thirst to know something and a quest . And i am not able to get the answers yet. Even i do not the way or path which will lead me to that answers. Yesterday i was not able to concentrate myself in my work while i was in office. I was sitting in my cabin. And my lappy was just in front of me. Me inspite of checking reports and other official things start looking for something in Google,Yahoo,MSN. The whole day i was in search .. I didnt talked to anyone in office even though i forgot to take my lunch also. I switched off my mobile and scheduled all my meetings for monday.So that i should not be disturbed and when i first saw my watch after having a deep dive into the ocean of search it was 9 o clock in the night. The whole day was gone and i was still a guy who is walking and walking and walking.

The whole night i was thinking about the same. At first i thought that i should first complete my book but i am afraid , i am afraid of what next is going to come, i am afraid that may be i am going in a middle of a war and i am afraid of loosing my self in deep somewhere.

I dont know where i am going or where will i end up but i am definite about one thing i.e My needs are different from What i want.

But i dont know where i am going to get satisfation level From my need or From my Wants???

Event of the month - Delhi Indiblogger meet

Well guys yeah i know i am very late in posting this post may be the last one to sit in bloggers posting the post on indiblogger meet.It was 04 th april, meet was scheduled in Microsoft office Gurgaon. Initially i was little bit nervous (truely I was) coz i was never been to such kind of meet. Though i am very active in making presentaions and making friends but this thing was little different and also there were masters sitting out there,Google guys,Miscrosoft representatives,The famous blogger and the owner of Delhi blogger community Twilight Fariy,some Advocates,and some big big whoosh from different companies.Though i got a company of one of my friend and as the lift sounds tinggg i knew i am at 9th floor . But as soon as put my keg out of the life and after seeing a relax enviro at recepetion i assembled myself
and put my socialize and fundoo sumit in from of me and here i began :) , After filling a small details in a form we got a warm welcum from Mr. Anoop owner of indiblogger and than the things started we all were sitting in the presentation hall of microsoft office . We started with initiall intro by indi blogger team and than they told us How indiblogger came into existence.

Let me tell u in brief there were 4 guys from Banglore already working in some firm one fatefull night they all were drinking and suddenly they started
thinking abt a project which we now call indiblogger.

People says Drinking wastes one life but trust me guys great ideas comes wen we are out :) . And example is in front of u . Say 3 cheers to Old Monk :)

Ok bak to story....

And after that they started One Minute fame in which all bloggers need to introduce himself as what he do and on which kind of topics we generally blog
We were given sheet in which Names of bloggers were written in seriol wise along with there blog mentioned. I dont know y may be due to priniting mistake
the name of an old man sitting in the last was mentioned in capital so when his turns come , he started that my name is this and i blog about this and suddenly
he says I AM NOT WANTED and everbody turns there head towards him. He then explains tha only his name is written in Capital letters.He write about generation gap
and mostly examples are ofhis own child. He told us many a things in such A humorus way that we all were laughing and laughing very loudly.We dont want him to stop
but he has to :( and that made him the main personality of the day.

Than we played a very strange game in which we all were given a chart which was tied with our back and each person has to write something abt that person the activity was
The activity was cool enoughand gave achance to all bloggers to communicate with each other. After that we had a small drink session which consist of hot sand cold dronks
but only soft drink :(.

Than started a presentaion which was very long and bored enough that makes the whole meet boring. Me and my friend left that session and come out of the room and had a chit chat with other
bloggers at main lobby . There i had a brief conversation with owner of indiblogger and he wasked me to meet him and his team once the session is over.Then there was a presentation from miscrosoft
guys whi has luanched I.E 8 which normally speaking had features which we find in Mozilla or chrome.

As i need ot leave for office as there was a meeting scheduled so i got lift from a blogger :)

But before that i had a good conversartion with indiblogger team. It was quite a very good meet and a very appreciable step taken by indiblogger team to spread awareness
among bloggers.

But one thing which i was missing in whole meet was social communication. As blogging is a part of social media but there everybody was trying to promote there business or there blog

I think we should understand that there is a difference between Self promotion and Spamming :)

Expect the Unexpected

It happens many a time that we expect something and it didnt turn out well. And in hope of something is better than nothing we expect as the things comes.Quite confused ???

As the what the hell i want to say ?

So here is the cover story.

It happens many a time with us that we want to forget something but that thing in any form, comes in front of us.Since past few days its happening with me also and that thing is LOVE.

Yeah again love has knocked my heart's door.

I was trying harder to forget my past and to start my life. And i was getting success too. I have kept myself busy in office work (trust me guys there is hell lot of work out there) , friends,home and my career.And the first sign of my resurrection was HOLI . After a long time i enjoyed a lot and had full masti and fun with my friends in my hometown . Life seems to be easy and wonderfull again as i was getting back to normal track and most importantly my friemds are there with me.
But i think happiness is not written in my destiny.Last week a girl proposed me though its seems quite normal as i am living in a metro city and have interactions with girls but sometimes normal things becomes abnormal.
It was round abt 12 in night on sunday a girl i know just few days back called me and said some romantic dialogues and proposed me. Within seconds my past was in front of me and my all memories which i was trying to clear from my mind become fresh and i disconnected the phone. I was hell out of mind.

I got some gifts which my gf gave me before, i put them out of cartan and start looking at them, those hand made cards,lovey slips,some gifts hah everything was again in my mind. And i was lost in my past and when i come out of it, it was already 7 in the morning and i have to get ready for my office. The whole way i was thinking what should i do ??? Should i say yes or should is say no. My brain was telling me that Sumit Kab tak tu apne past me ulza rahega, one day you have to bring some other girl in your life but my heart was saying How can you bring somebody else in your life. My heart was not at all ready to accept a new girl in my life at least not so early.So i decided to keep this topic here only and decided think about it once i am out of the office.

The whole day i was busy in office work (you know monday blues) and while coming back to home in whole way i was thinking the same matter. Than that girl again called me and i decided to meet her.We met at Ansal Plaza and while we were walking she hold my hand. And that was the turning point of the whole matter.And i got my answer.........

No - Yepp that was my answer. Why ????

Because when she hold my hand it remind of my past affair, the same thing happen on that day too.

(I was in nainital, on that day we were walking at Thandi sadak and while walking she hold my hand, it gives me a feeling of trust and love and i decided that yes she is the only gal with whom i want to spend my whole life.)

But in this caseI drove my hand and i said to her that look gal i cant, i cant go with you in this relation as you remind of my past and i will not be able to give you that love,care and affection which you are expecting from me Coz i still love my ex GF.

Trust me friends while i was in ansal plaza, i realise that my heart is completely dead and as cold as ice like there was no feelings left in me.

I told her about my past and i said that i am not the right man for you. Coz i know myself and i was pritty aware of the fact that i cant spend even a single second with her .The way she was holding my hand,the way she was putting her hand on my shoulder and the way she tried to hug me.....i was not feeling comfortable at all and i talk to her very rudely (for which i said sorry later) but really it turns me off.

I was thinking why life plays all these games with us ??? You cant live with one whom you love and with whom you feel happy and comfortable and when a man is trying to stabelise himself why these kind of things happen again and again.

Life never gave us what we want,what we desire it just gave us things which we totally unexpect sometimes it looks like there is a kind of bowl kept in the hand of life with lot of slips and that slips will decide what our future will be.

Guys really i think may be my heart is now dead or the wound is still fresh.........

February 2009

Change is the only constant thing in this world

Though its a very common and famous proverb but now i came to know about the true meaning of this proverb.

FEBRUARY 2009 , a month which revamped my life.

First change - One of my best friend got his dreamgirl and now they are married and with this our fate changes a lot because now we know there may be anyday on which we are going to get aparted as her wife will be coming to Delhi to live with him and our whole gang is about to split. A 3 year era of fun,bachelor life,night out is about to end.Although i am happy for his new life and wishes him all the best but sad too because we will no more be together.As it happens everytime with me i am always left alone but no issues its a part of life and i have to accept and live it :) .But we really had fun in his marriage as his marriage was in Bikaner and i was pritty excited as i was going to Bikaner (got new city to explore). His marriage was on 14th Feb and i left for bikaner via jaipur on 13th night.Though it was a tiring 13 hr journey but i really enjoyed it. My first destination was Jaipur from where i have to take another Bus. Delhi - Jaipur was quite sleepy and comfortable journey and 14 th Feb 5 Am i was in Jaipur. I got ticket for bikaner but bus had to leave at 7 Am. So i had 2 hrs and had nothing to do .So i decided to have a quick view of my old memories of Jaipur and i hired an auto and went to GIT , a college in Old jaipur and than to Gaurav tower the famous Hang out place in Delhi. I spent 1/2 hr in GT and sitting there i was remembering my old and beautiful days just like we clear the dust from old things which we keet in store rooms.Well the journey needs to be continued and it was already 6:30 so i need to come back to Bus Stop to catch the bus and at 07 :15 i left for bikaner. It was completely a new journey for me and as it was the first bus of the day there were only 4 - 5 passengers sitting in the bus and i started to feel bore so i decided to chat with the bus driver and i started to ask about Rajasthani culture and than he started to tell me whole lot of things about Rajasthan and the places to visit in Bikaner which oftenly tourist ignore.And i was so lost in his Rajasthani Sagas and folk songs that i even didnt come to know when we reach Bikaner and at 1 in noon i was in bikaner waiting for my friends to pick me, and the whole day was spent with other roomies in work,chatting,introductions with other family members,dancing.One thing which i liked about Rajasthani culture was there Hospitalilty, I had seen other cultures like Buddhist,Bengali,Bihari,Punjabi,Pahari but i was mesmerized by the Rajasthani culture and it becomes my hot favourite culture.As i was not there for more days so i was not able to see tourist places of Bikaner but i know that i will be going again to had full inning :) and with this confidence i was back on 16th morning to delhi.

Second Change - I left my old company Vangelz Technologies where i was working since December 05 . Really it was very hard for me to quit this company as i got almost every friends,best friend from this company. This was my second company where i worked in Delhi and my first company where i spent so much time. I still remember my first day in this company :) the very first day i worked for 13 hrs as there was enormous amount of work to do and this continues till 2 months but slowly and gradually things settle down. It was normal 9 hrs shift which was never made for me . In my whole 3.3 year of my career in this company i barely spent 6 months going home on time. but it was fun, my seniors were very supporting, my colleagues were very friendly and slowly we developed a homely enviornment in our team. We used to have night outs together, we used to spend weekends together and had trips to many places like Rishikesh etc. It was a life time experience but on 6th March it came to end as it was my last day. The whole day was spent in meeting with my colleagues and than got a very cool and unexpected farewell from my team. I never thought to leave this company but sometimes u need to move and same done by me.

Seems like Life is starting again New company, new friends but this time i know i have some friends which will remain with me no matter i am in this company or in other :) .

Rebirth

Now as i have cross all the limits to kill myself and to quit and at the end of the day i am still alive. I have now seriously thought about myself and have made a promise to myself that if i have to live myself than i am not going to live a miserable and a looser life but to fight and will live a winner life no matter what i have to do. I will now achieve all the objectives which i have decided with no matter what happens.

First thing which already done is- left drinking and smoking and have made a promise that no matter what happens i will never let these two evils to come again in my life.

I have choosen my goal infact goals and can see the road to reach my goals.

When i was in School time i used to be a goal keeper in my team and my technique to stop the ball was just let the opponent come nearer to my goal and just give a lightening dive to the ball.

Now the same thing i am gonna do the same thing in my life. If there is a problem coming towards me and then let it come and i will prepare myself with all solutions and will give no chance the problem to escape or to overcome my thinking and thoughts.

Now i am not gonna surrender myself to any situation just like that but will hit back and hit hard.

Let see how much i will get success.

Its still a long way to go