Yeah this is the question of which i am trying to get the answer .....
Lets take Live part of mine in which i go to office,do work,chat with ma friends,family members,do outing and went to places. and now the dead part which due to unwanted and uncontrollable reasons is now dead.
It was 12th aug07 the date when i fall in love for first time, the time when i first experienced the most wonderfull and the most romantic feeling in me. Everything become just like that for me, no goal in ma life seems to bigger,life seems to very easy and very short for me. Every day was coming with new promises and new shine in ma life. For the first time i felt that ma life is just not full of tensions,work,compromoises and adjustment there was something beyond that,something which is mine and felt remian forever.And the reason being i found a girl with whom i can share anything and everything.A girl who loves me despit being long distance,less income,full of responsibilities and despite i smoke and drink.
That day i felt that yes i am also a human being,i do have a heart who have started to beat for somebody.I helped many of ma friends in solving problems and issues coming in this relation but was untouched from this beautiful feeling. And me like other guys and girls started to associate myself with somebody. I felt like somebody has picked me from a store room and gave my feelings a real respect and love.
And it all starts from ma Heaven Nainital where i went to propose her but as i am i forgot to propose her coz i was lost completly in her deep and beautiful eyes,her enchanting talks,her way of holding ma hands and after reaching back to delhi i proposed her on phone and the reply was so cool that may be any of so called Ashiq will have got from there partners and my beautiful days starts...
Every single minute and every single day spent with her like diamonds in a necklace. Her way of saying Hello make me forget every tension whether its of ma office or of ma home. Like other couples we use to talk whole night and chat on gtalk. Whenever she asked that Dinner kar liya kya,Kuch khaya yaa nahin makes me felt that there is somebody who cares about me,who really think about me. Yeh sab karte karte december beet gaya.
And than the fighting period starts and we start fighting with each other on very humorous and insensible issues and everytime i say sorry and again the same issue starts.But in intial days we always manage to patch up the things but than a day comes when she seriously gave me a warning that Sumit agar is baar ladai hui to i will not talk to you and our relation will end here only . For one week it was all good seems like everything is now coming back to normal but than on 11th june 2008 we fought again and at 11 o clock in night we both spoke to each other in common way and after that it was all silent and dead silent................
Initially i thought that everything will be normal Yeh sab to nayi baat nahin hai but when the unusal things starts happening like less and very formal talks,no chats. Life become a burden on me, i start feeling like something has left, i m not 100% sumit there is something missing.....And i kept waiting for her to become normal but the day never come......She went to her friend's home in vacation and i went home for someday thought may be a break will work but i was not aware that this break will going to break many a things in ma life which will never be joined again.When such kind if things happens than there are lot of changes comes in u, in ur thinking and i felt the same. I started to look life in a very different manner woh kehte hain na ki zindagi dekhne ka najariya hi badal gaya. In initial days my mood was like a volcano about to burst.My eyes were always searching for somebody.My inner voice was yelling at me sumit kuch yaar,sumit i cant live without her and i tried , tried a lot but my search ends when i wait for her in nainital and spent 4 hrs in a restaurant and i was completely wet due to continous raining and i was on bike. But afterwards i come to know that she had a leg injury. But look in over a past period i develop such a image of mine that she didnt even reply of ma message.Waisey she did the right thing to me, she left me the person like me must be treated like this only.In starting i tried to know about myself and my heart who i am and what i want. But when i got the answers which were truelly unpractical in this practical world i ends my search there only. And i stopped listening the voice of ma heart specially in this case. And slowly and gradually this part of mine began to die and now its completely dead.But i never make anyone realise about wats going in ma heart...And i disguise myself with a boy who is never meant for a sweet girl. And i started to concentrate myself on studies,career and if there is some time left i spent with ma friends and this is ma alive part.
But for how much time or years i will kept ma heart dead and i am really afraid of it coz i knw myself and i knw my weakness.
So tell me guys is it better to be alive as a dead or is it better to be dead as an aliveT
Lets take Live part of mine in which i go to office,do work,chat with ma friends,family members,do outing and went to places. and now the dead part which due to unwanted and uncontrollable reasons is now dead.
It was 12th aug07 the date when i fall in love for first time, the time when i first experienced the most wonderfull and the most romantic feeling in me. Everything become just like that for me, no goal in ma life seems to bigger,life seems to very easy and very short for me. Every day was coming with new promises and new shine in ma life. For the first time i felt that ma life is just not full of tensions,work,compromoises and adjustment there was something beyond that,something which is mine and felt remian forever.And the reason being i found a girl with whom i can share anything and everything.A girl who loves me despit being long distance,less income,full of responsibilities and despite i smoke and drink.
That day i felt that yes i am also a human being,i do have a heart who have started to beat for somebody.I helped many of ma friends in solving problems and issues coming in this relation but was untouched from this beautiful feeling. And me like other guys and girls started to associate myself with somebody. I felt like somebody has picked me from a store room and gave my feelings a real respect and love.
And it all starts from ma Heaven Nainital where i went to propose her but as i am i forgot to propose her coz i was lost completly in her deep and beautiful eyes,her enchanting talks,her way of holding ma hands and after reaching back to delhi i proposed her on phone and the reply was so cool that may be any of so called Ashiq will have got from there partners and my beautiful days starts...
Every single minute and every single day spent with her like diamonds in a necklace. Her way of saying Hello make me forget every tension whether its of ma office or of ma home. Like other couples we use to talk whole night and chat on gtalk. Whenever she asked that Dinner kar liya kya,Kuch khaya yaa nahin makes me felt that there is somebody who cares about me,who really think about me. Yeh sab karte karte december beet gaya.
And than the fighting period starts and we start fighting with each other on very humorous and insensible issues and everytime i say sorry and again the same issue starts.But in intial days we always manage to patch up the things but than a day comes when she seriously gave me a warning that Sumit agar is baar ladai hui to i will not talk to you and our relation will end here only . For one week it was all good seems like everything is now coming back to normal but than on 11th june 2008 we fought again and at 11 o clock in night we both spoke to each other in common way and after that it was all silent and dead silent................
Initially i thought that everything will be normal Yeh sab to nayi baat nahin hai but when the unusal things starts happening like less and very formal talks,no chats. Life become a burden on me, i start feeling like something has left, i m not 100% sumit there is something missing.....And i kept waiting for her to become normal but the day never come......She went to her friend's home in vacation and i went home for someday thought may be a break will work but i was not aware that this break will going to break many a things in ma life which will never be joined again.When such kind if things happens than there are lot of changes comes in u, in ur thinking and i felt the same. I started to look life in a very different manner woh kehte hain na ki zindagi dekhne ka najariya hi badal gaya. In initial days my mood was like a volcano about to burst.My eyes were always searching for somebody.My inner voice was yelling at me sumit kuch yaar,sumit i cant live without her and i tried , tried a lot but my search ends when i wait for her in nainital and spent 4 hrs in a restaurant and i was completely wet due to continous raining and i was on bike. But afterwards i come to know that she had a leg injury. But look in over a past period i develop such a image of mine that she didnt even reply of ma message.Waisey she did the right thing to me, she left me the person like me must be treated like this only.In starting i tried to know about myself and my heart who i am and what i want. But when i got the answers which were truelly unpractical in this practical world i ends my search there only. And i stopped listening the voice of ma heart specially in this case. And slowly and gradually this part of mine began to die and now its completely dead.But i never make anyone realise about wats going in ma heart...And i disguise myself with a boy who is never meant for a sweet girl. And i started to concentrate myself on studies,career and if there is some time left i spent with ma friends and this is ma alive part.
But for how much time or years i will kept ma heart dead and i am really afraid of it coz i knw myself and i knw my weakness.
So tell me guys is it better to be alive as a dead or is it better to be dead as an aliveT
7 comments:
Ohhh hoooo my poor sumit..any ways tune ussay fir contact kernay ki kosish nahin kari kya....try to find her howz she? try to catch her and her feelings hope all things will sattel soon....Wase you have to again give energy to your heart coz without this nobody can live happly..each and every body wants someone to share and feel his felings...So dear please try to talk to her and patch up both of your feelings.....
abe soch bhi mat liyo use khojne ki kabhi.she doesn't deserve you buddy.
you would be like diamonds and she would surely be a string only in ya past reln you know diamond never stops shining even if there is a string or not.
so chill never make your any part die coz life never stops and never let u wait for anyone.
remain as you are....coz you are the best in any way.
Bhai, I dont want to be like those old aunts tellin you "I told you so", but I always thought this was inevitable...didnt I tell you the same at many occassions...but you being Sumit--the emotional fool---anyways..FORGET it all. She never deserved it, your care, your love, your affection ..it was all so true...and we all could see it.
Chal chhod ye sab..aish kar...wait for TRUE love to enter your life, ur still a kid abhi....Aish kar:-)
Hahahahhah thanks chandu , Sushant and shruti for your replies.
:)
u stupid itni acchi acchi ladkiyon k main aapko options laa k deti hun, aur aap abi b, forget the past n live the present, rather celebrate it!!
All the best!!
hi Dear,
a very happy new year..2009 ..
may dis new year be as refreshing as crimson rays of dawn. n sweet as u.
live ur life to de fullest.. njoy
Thanx
But canu please tell me ur full name .. Moni
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