Midnight to Sun

Hey all..

I Sumit Sharma hereby declare that I am committing suicide and i am wholely and solely responsible for my death.

I have nothing to give to this world..neither my parents who gave me birth and made me so strong that i can make my own destiny nor my friends who gave me support and trust that i can do it.I am really sorry to my Dad whom i love so much and for whom i want to become a successful man.

So by surrendering my life to death i hereby declare myself a coward and looser. I love you all and especially that gal who brings a light in my life but everything seems fake to me.I am really sorry Dad,mom and all loved ones.I will always luv u ......

This is the letter which i wrote on saturday night and i was about to commit suicide by cutting my hand nerves.And slowly a dark line of blood starts coming out of my hand.

but after sometime dnt knw what happen Blood stops coming out of my hand.And i was unconscious for almost 2 hours.

When i woke up I cleared all the blood which was spilled on the floor and put my head below shower and i was again drowned in the dark.I felt that i am about to die.And i messaged all my closed ones thinking that it will be my last message but seems like neither hell nor heaven wants me in.

So i tried one more time but didnt worked. Due to bleeding and weakness i was not able to keep my self awake

At 6:30 in morning looks like somebody pulled me off and my eyes were open.As my friends were ringing Doorbell as they were back from there homes.So i cleared all the things and open the door and went for sleep.

Today whole day i was like completely lost in me, I was just thinking and thinking that what i tried last nite was correct or not, obviously it was not correct but last night i was so affected by negative vibes that i was not able to decide what is wrong and what is right.

I always says to my friends that I am scared of being Lonely and they always asked me a question Sumit what is the thing that always make you scared when you are alone ??? Now i know the answer Its ME of whom i am scared of.......

There are lot of things which you dont want to do but yo have to. This is same with me I dont want to live but i have to.My friends says That one day everything will be alright even i know but i dont what will be that particular stage at which i will feel that yes now everything is alright.

Everyday in itself is a new world sometimes it look like our whole life is of one day only. You start your day with a fresh mind and ends up with some plans for tommorrow but when you up next it seems that whole world is turned. You cant relate even a single thing from yesterday.

I am fed up, Fed up of doing same thing whole life, Struggling,fighting,Smiling,crying,laughing.
Are we here to do these things only?? are we so meaningless that we are a part of rat race just running and running dont know where we are going. Fighting for income,struggling for career,Smiling for loved ones.Thats it???? Is this life.

There are whole lot of questions of which i want to know the answers ....So i decided not die now Atleast till the time i didnt come to know the real meaning of life.

I am alive